Dear BabyMama : Woman to Woman

I probably shouldn’t be writing you this letter but I felt that I need to open this dialogue, I need to start this conversation between you and I, you the woman who mothers my mans child and me, the woman who holds your baby daddy’s heart.

First of all we need to clear things up, I did not steal the father of your child, he came to me, he pursued me and had he wanted a happily ever after with you then he would’ve chosen to stay with you so please understand that I am not responsible for whatever happened in your relationship and I would appreciate it if you stopped blaming me for that.

Secondly, I will not be involved in your co parenting relationship, I am not trying to stop him from having a relationship with his child and because I love this man I have accepted and encourage his relationship with his child and I will not treat your child as I would my own because I don’t have a child and I’m not trying to replace you as a mother but I will show your child love, respect and try to be a positive role model to him so I do not appreciate you labeling me as a bad influence on your child because if I harm him I harm the man I love.

My relationship with this man has nothing to do with you, so don’t take it upon yourself to advice my man on what he should do when he is stupid enough to confide in you or the cracks in our relationship are visible to you and also, do not punish him by denying him access to his child, you are doing more damage to your child than to him so please love your child enough to stay above the petty stuff. We both know that his mother prefers you over me and I’m okay with that, I fell in love with and I’m in a relationship with this man, not his mother so please don’t floss about how his mother loves you or try to outshine me at family gatherings, it is petty and useless because his mothers love for you was never enough to make him stay with you anyway.

I wrote this letter for a woman to woman conversation because believe it or not, we have two things in common, we both love two great men who are going to be in our lives forever and I would like to make this work for the child and for our own well-being. Please stop putting on a performance when you see me, I’m not Generations casting director and this is not an audition, I’m the woman he loves, the woman who is going to be your sons step mother with or without your consent, I don’t care if you had him first, he is with me now and he chose me, not you and lastly, a child is not a virtual marriage certificate so don’t act like your relationship with him was deeper or equated to marriage more than what I share with him now.

Regards

The woman who loves them

5 bags every woman should have [FashionEducation]

I have been way to serious lately so lets let our hair down and focus on the beauty and this time around we talking bags, let’s go!

•First up we are the small ones, namely the clutch that is famous with formal events and those oh so gorgeous dresses and heels I always put up here, the clutch has been around forever and it keeps coming and going but this time around it seems to be staying, so If you don’t have one yet go get it, that is if you have opportunities to go formal and bling it out. Beneath the clutch is one of the most convenient creations, I see it as the informal version of the clutch, not too big and not too small and if you’re not a bag lady and are mostly informal get this messenger bag that will just make your life easier and give your shoulders a rest.

•Next up is the tote bag which Is perfect if you’re going to the beach, or going out with friends during the day, nothing fancy, still beautiful and able to fit in everything you could ever imagine in your bag and next to it is the famous Hobo bag, I really am not a fan of this bag but I’ve seen it mostly used as the ultimate work bag, that bag that is big enough to carry all your stuff and still look formal enough or casual if you dress it down to go well with your outfit.

•And lastly if you want to channel your inner Victoria Beckam or Kate Middleton then please get this beyond gorgeous 2012 Gucci top handle bag, I swear I saw it and I fell in love.

So which bags do you have and which ones don’t you have? Go stock up on these beautiful creations beautiful people! All of this and all men have to do is get a simple man bag, life is unfair isn’t it? Not if you love bags, fashion and beautiful things so happy shopping!

The clutch bag and beneath it a messenger bag

The tote bag and a red hobo bag

A Gucci Top handle bag

The Good Girl Syndrome

Too many women are infected with what I call “The Nice Girl Syndrome” and it is those women who become what society deems “bad girls” “bitches, hoes” and for the love of all things woman I feel the need to break down the symptoms of this nice girl syndrome that is the downfall of most if not all women.

•You feel the need to be nice to EVERYONE. That includes the bastard who cheated on you with your bestfriend, the lowlives who are asking you out in your facebook/ twitter inboxes. You just can’t help it, you just want to be nice.

•You see the good in everyone. It doesn’t matter how bad someone is you always want to give them a second chance, you feel that everyone has a good part of them and that’s what you focus on when you deal with people even if a person is low down and dirty you will still manage to see some good.

•You trust EVERYONE. You believe that a person has to do wrong by you first before you don’t trust them instead of being suspicious of everyone until they give you a reason not to be.

•You believe that people won’t hurt or do wrong by you if you are nice to them or if they see how nice you are, how beautiful you are, how caring, Christian, loving etc. You are.

•You actually believe that everyone that comes in to your life, asks for your numbers, calls you beautiful has good intentions.

•You are a people pleaser, everyone has to be happy when they are around you and you feel bad when you don’t give people what they want.
•When you fall in love, you think its forever and start imagining picket fences, 2.5 kids and the white wedding gown.

•You don’t have standards, hey, everyone deserves a chance right?

The above are just some of the symptoms of the “Good girl syndrome” and this illness causes women to sleep with almost every man who says the right words, it makes women lose themselves in relationships and most importantly victims of these illness will end up broken, used, damaged, empty, bitter and angrier than Lucifer. And that kids, is just one of the reasons we have so called bad girls or bitches and hoes, they are victims of this society that tells a woman to be soft, obedient, humble and naturing and neglects to teach them how to be assertive, confident and not to give a fuck. Next time you wanna call someone a hoe, remember that she might just be a Good gal done wrong by the world.

Lets talk about the x baby

Wouldn’t it be nice if there was a very dark and deep hole where one would just deposit their ex and any remaining feelings for them and just walk away? That was my thinking yesterday when an ex that I would rather pretend was dead decided to call me. But then again, I’m that girl that fantasizes about the most creative way of murdering all of my ex’s, I actually sit down (when they come to mind and I’m bored) and I visualize myself ending their lives so I’ve been known to solve reasonable problems in unconventional and drastic ways and the above is just another example.

There are 3 types of ex’s, the ones you still want and you parted with over something trivial, the one who hurt you a lot and because of them you are stronger and wiser and the third one is the scum of the earth, the one who ripped your heart out and did the dougy all over it and left you destroyed, that’s the ex you pretend is dead or fantasize about killing, that’s the ex who called me yesterday and I really enjoyed hanging up on him, after I cursed him out of course. I won’t go in to what happened between him and I (I might just go through the killing him plot again) but I want to ask, what makes someone that you have once loved, cared for and adored to turn around and be your worst nightmare, an enemy and your worst mistake? In essence I’m asking what are your deal breakers, what is it that would put an ex in to the I want to murder you category, or you’ve made me stronger thank you so much category?

Everyday I am thankful that I never sired children with anyone of my ex’s, the saying that “If you want to see how much you’ve grown take a look at your exes”. Rings very true for me, does it for you? Another thing that puzzles me is why do ex’s insist on remaining in your life after they’ve ripped your heart in to miserable pieces? In all my life I’ve never dated a man who hasn’t come back begging for forgiveness and that begs the question, if it didn’t work out the first time with your ex what makes you think it will work now or were all these men just pushing my buttons to see if I will give in? An ex is there to serve as an example of who you shouldn’t be with in the future, so let’s talk about these people that fell from the pedestals we so happily put them on in happier times.

MS lurvs ya! (@Missysparklez) Xoxoxo

This 21s century kind of love

Welcome to the 21st century. You open a twitter account and chat to strangers as much as you want, should the avatars of one of those strangers be appealing to you, you can DM them declaring your undying love for them, from then which the pursued can elevate you from the title of twitter hubby/twifey to their BBM but only after zooming in to your avatar of course. BBM is where bank balances, where do you live, is that your real hair, what brand of alcohol do u drink and what do you do for a living conversations are had and it is also here where important decisions are made and the real future of the physical relationship is determined.

So after you are deemed good enough (she is clean, she’s still hot so her twitter avi wasn’t lying, she is really single) and (he makes enough to take me to Hush, he can afford that Moet and Aldo and although he’s not much of a looker his car more than makes up for it) it then becomes time to meet physically and make this relationship official.

First date is at Liquid Chefs, dude doesn’t wanna disappoint, he is after all hoping those cocktails will kick any cock blockers ass and so they do, gal is impressed (first date and he’s taking me to such a hot place imagine what the second date will be like, OMG what if I have his children, I can already imagine our little babies in his hot car, my friends are going to be so impressed) and the man, ever the gentleman is out to please and of course, eat (he wouldn’t be a man if he did otherwise, he’s got street cred, he’s spending too much on this night) and so meaning less conversation is had, thighs are stroked and tounges become one, she can’t remember leaving Liquid Chefs but she wakes up in his luxurious bed with white cotton sheets and he, well he comes in with take away break fast for his queen, she’s glowing, she’s happy, she’s planning a big wedding. He’s anxious, he’s thinking and he’s planning his fucken exit.

Welcome to the 21st century, its not love, it is what it is. It is whatever you want it to be.

Mzantsi Talent show survivors

In my last post I discussed talent searches and now I’m giving you 5 of our very own talent search winners and some who didn’t win but the talent shows definitely gave them a platform to launch their careers and now they are holding it down in their careers giving some hope that there is life after not winning a talent search or maybe proving that there is still hope for talent searches in SA.

First up we have my favourite Simba Mhere who is not only talented and hot but he is educated too! Very good husband material for those of you who are trawling, this guy has B.comm accounting degree from the University of Johannesburg and he won the Top Billing presenter search in 2010

One of South Africa’s it girls right now Minenhle Dlamini from Durban who won the Live presenter search in June 2010 and left Durbs and her studies for this gig and I’m sure she doesn’t regret it, gal has had a Legit clothing line, is a Metro FM DJ and she’s also an actress on The Wild, that amongst many other things.

Now this guy can sing and I think he is married so hands off you thirsty little groupies! Lloyd Cele first made it on the scene as an Idols SA contestant in 2010 and although he didn’t win, brother released an album, his hit single “You make it easy” went viral and he bagged a collabo with Loyiso Bala, think its called Thando and he is from Durban

Beautiful Gail Nkoane is yet another one who was a contestant on Idols 2010 and although she didn’t win it, she made the best of her fame from that show and has since went on to act in the wild and she is actually better well known for her acting than she is for her singing and she still stays hot.

Then there was Selimathunzi presenter Lunga Tshabalala who won the presenter search and is still the presenter and I heard that he is a radio presenter as well at an online radio station. I’ve been told he is talented, Im yet to see the talent and I’ve heard that he was hot and Im still searching for the hotness, I’ll tell you when I find it.

So who are your favourite talent show winner’s right here in Mzantsi or abroad? Asikhulume, let’s talk!

The boys, on the right is Lloyd Cele and Lunga Tshabalala and my fav. Simba Mhere on the right

Minenhle Dlamini and Gail Nkoana the future Mrs Mabalane, arent we just happy for her?

Do we still need Talent Search shows today?

I have had the reality competition discussion with myself over and over again and I still haven’t reached an amiable conclusion. See one of my closest friends can sing and I mean she can really belt it out but while discussing ways of getting discovered in the music scene she refused the suggestion to audition for talent shows and I have to say that her reasons were very valid. Amongst her reasons is embarrassment if she doesn’t make it, feeling that the judges are not industry professionals and breaking in to a nervous wreck a few minutes before she’s supposed to audition.

Now the validity and success of these shows is well proven, overseas we had people such as Jennifer Hudson, Nicole Scherzinger and Jordan Sparks discovered through talent shows and on the local side we have my favourite Simba Mhere Top Billing presenter, Kelly Khumalo (she was on a talent show and that’s how she got signed) and Jamali all discovered through talent shows so its fair to say that these shows work and they have proven to unearth real talent.

My problem with shows like these is, as a judge who has seen thousands of people sing/present in just a matter of hours, aren’t you bound to be somewhat less tolerant than you were when the day started and thus judge the last few acts unfairly? Secondly, the people they get to judge these shows! If a contestant considers the judge to be less of a talent than themselves how do you expect the contestant to perform for and be judged by them? My friend said that she would never perform before any Idols SA judge because her talent is above them and you see I don’t blame her, some producers pull In judges purely for the sake of ratings, how else do you explain a radio DJ or fashion designer judging a music talent show? Its important that the talent respect the judge so that they can respect their opinion as well but really, if you bring an actress to judge a dance competition your asking for it. One of the few talent shows that I respected in terms of judging is Class Act, each week they brought talented and much respected actors/actresses as judges and contestants knew that they could learn a lot from their judges and thus didn’t question their criticism, now please tell me how an unknown singer will learn from a fashion designer about singing and what that singer will learn about singing from a has been?

Is there a need for all these talent shows? What happens to the contestants who don’t make it because some actually can sing, or dance or present but have not been trained or allowed a chance to manage their stage fright. A year ago we had Lunga Tshabalala who won the Selimathunzi presenter search and just a few months afterwards we heard rumours that he was already pre-selected for the show so this also brings the question that are some of these talent shows just rating boosters for these shows or are they real? Sure there is a genuine need for new faces, new talent in our media industry but is it worth humiliating a contestant for comedic relief in that quest? I guess with that I just missed the whole point of these shows but really, its not necessary to make fun of people who have genuine talent that is hidden behind the nerves, this is what discourages many a great talent from showing up in the first place and that’s why you have talents search winners who win based on looks rather than talent because the real talent wont take the risk of being humiliated.

Beauty Tips of the week! Yes, TIPS!

I deprived my beautiful people of the beauty tip of the week last week so today I will make amends and pay it back two fold as I give you a bumper edition of the beauty tips. These ones are gems really, all completely homemade, not a lot of ingredients needed (you probably have most in your kitchen) and they work! You’ve probably heard of some, you’ve probably seen some but they are all cost effective, enjoyable ways of enhancing your own beauty while having fun. Why not make a day of it? Call your close friends, get some wine (not too much before you start messing up your measurements) and have some fun creating these remedies and trying them out on each other? Let’s have some free fun! Do share your thoughts afterwards now will you?

The face mask
Get your blender up and working with an avocado mask, make sure you blend the avocado very well and then apply it to your face, wait 15 minutes and then remove, don’t your face look a little bit happier?

For the eyes
While you’re getting that avocado face mask, why not cut some cucumbers, place the slices around your eyes, and have a drink while all covered up in food? Keep the conversation going and take them off after 20 minutes for dark circle and swell free eyes.

The body scrub
When you’re finished pampering your face why not take a relaxing bath or shower if you want and give yourself a break? Its coffee grounds (freshly brewed organic caffeinated coffee), 1 table spoon of salt, mix them together and there you have it, your own body scrub! Do rinse afterwards and use the grounds before 20 minutes expires for effectiveness.

Now that you feel all refreshed and beautiful, aren’t you just glad you saved up all your money (well most) and turned a day at home in to a spa treatment with good company? I also heard that strawberries can be helpful as a teeth whitener, while I go get myself some strawberries, why don’t you pass this around and share the beauty? A beautiful day to an extra beautiful person today

[Picture from Google]

Me about marriage

I’m that girl that loves her space, I love being able to do whatever, whenever and not have to report or share it with any one and in fact that’s one of the reasons I won’t shack up with a man, sometimes I don’t feel like being around people and he can either stay, shut up and sleep in the guest bedroom or he can leave and book himself a motel, I don’t care but when I want to be alone, I do that and I often wonder, does marriage allow you to be alone? I don’t think so. I’m that girl who has trust issues, it’s not of my own doing so why do I have to be ashamed of them? I will question a man’s sincerity to me until he gives me reasons not to, I suspect you until you give me a reason to trust you and not the other way around, now it hasn’t always been that way but reality has a funny way of bitch slapping you until you face the cold hard truth. I am that girl who feels like I don’t need a marriage contract to prove a commitment, no, I’m with Ophra on this one, the fact that Steadman stayed with her (forget about the money) without a marriage contract says a lot about the kind of relationship they have and I’m addicted to novelty, I love learning and finding out new things, that’s why I’m also a recovering love addict, does marriage, after 5 years still feel new? I don’t think so.

I have a problem with men leaving, actually it’s a fear. I imagine that every man that walks in to my life will leave eventually and honestly, I haven’t experienced any different, the only man who’s stayed is God and Dr Phil, the latter which doesn’t count cause he’s married and the former created me and is doing this out of love but so far, no one has proved me wrong. I also have a fear of losing myself to a man, to a relationship, I’ve seen too many married women who don’t know who they are anymore, it’s like you get married and all your about is wifely duties, kids and more wifely duties, like I said, Im a recovering love addict so I shall not go where I shall be tempted again. Im actually afraid of being a wife, pledging or vowing the rest of my life to someone I don’t share DNA with terrifies me, what if he’s a serial killer? What if forever is too long and we get bored and we find out that we had no business being together? (I’m a perfectionist so a wrong marriage will be disastrous for me) What If he becomes a child molester after I have his babies? What if he cheats on me and gives me HIV? What if we get divorced and expose our children to our bitter juices in turn making them even more bitter than we are? No I have too many fears, call it paranoia, maybe it will change one day in the very distant future but for now, I’ll have the wedding and the 72 day marriage contract please, hey, well say we had “irreconcilable differences”, no kids, no drama, no affairs, no irritating mother in law to put in her place, just me, the money and my wedding day. Those are just some of the reasons why I don’t want to get married, I’m not saying I won’t, maybe I will fall in love and meet “the one” who knows? I’m just saying that to me, marriage is a bonus, not a must have. It’s like the neon heels, nice to have but not style suicide if you don’t have them. Do you want to get married or are u already married? Share those thoughts and have you, a Monday that looks exactly like you, beautiful.

Relationships 101 for Damsels in Distress [Part 2]

So its that time of the week where we do it again, here are the rest of the Dating/Relationships 101 tips for Damsels in Distress as promised in the original post here , enjoy ladies!

>Do not call a man 7 days a week – Give the brother a chance to miss you and don’t spend every waking moment of your life with him either, give a guy the chance to appreciate you or else you’ll soon be singing Beyonce’s “If i were a boy” – with passion.

>If he left you he did exactly that-he left you! So please don’t call, SMS or please call him. Don’t send him a soppy SMS’s about how your bed still smells like him, don’t call him drunk as a skunk crying your eyeballs out because if he wanted contact with you he wouldn’t have left in the first place. So do yourself a favour and accept, embrace and welcome the fact that you aren’t his Cinderella and if you embrace it, feel the pain and get over it, you might discover that you aren’t the evil step sister as well.

>The only way to get a man to do something for you from which he will reap no benefits from therein is not to expect it, he either does it because he loves you or he won’t do it at all. Expectation is like commitment to a man-its either they run at the sound of it or does it because he loves you and enjoys seeing you happy.

>Ever heard the saying “When God closes a door he opens a window” ? well it’s the same with a man. Learn to let go! Don’t get hung up on that one man that was just perfect for you and treated you like the queen you are, it was good while it lasted but danmit woman that man is gone! And as long as you’re hung up on him you’ll keep on kissing frogs that never turn in to princes and you’ll compare every other man to that one man-it’s not fair! Let go of that man and watch the frog your with turn in to a prince, because no man will be able to live up to another man’s shadow, sure he’ll try, but after a while i can guarantee you that he’ll get tired of competing, of not being good enough and what will you be left with? Just another frog and another, and another, and another, and another. Let go of Mr. perfect and allow God to bless you with a man who’s just alright for you