Me about marriage

I’m that girl that loves her space, I love being able to do whatever, whenever and not have to report or share it with any one and in fact that’s one of the reasons I won’t shack up with a man, sometimes I don’t feel like being around people and he can either stay, shut up and sleep in the guest bedroom or he can leave and book himself a motel, I don’t care but when I want to be alone, I do that and I often wonder, does marriage allow you to be alone? I don’t think so. I’m that girl who has trust issues, it’s not of my own doing so why do I have to be ashamed of them? I will question a man’s sincerity to me until he gives me reasons not to, I suspect you until you give me a reason to trust you and not the other way around, now it hasn’t always been that way but reality has a funny way of bitch slapping you until you face the cold hard truth. I am that girl who feels like I don’t need a marriage contract to prove a commitment, no, I’m with Ophra on this one, the fact that Steadman stayed with her (forget about the money) without a marriage contract says a lot about the kind of relationship they have and I’m addicted to novelty, I love learning and finding out new things, that’s why I’m also a recovering love addict, does marriage, after 5 years still feel new? I don’t think so.

I have a problem with men leaving, actually it’s a fear. I imagine that every man that walks in to my life will leave eventually and honestly, I haven’t experienced any different, the only man who’s stayed is God and Dr Phil, the latter which doesn’t count cause he’s married and the former created me and is doing this out of love but so far, no one has proved me wrong. I also have a fear of losing myself to a man, to a relationship, I’ve seen too many married women who don’t know who they are anymore, it’s like you get married and all your about is wifely duties, kids and more wifely duties, like I said, Im a recovering love addict so I shall not go where I shall be tempted again. Im actually afraid of being a wife, pledging or vowing the rest of my life to someone I don’t share DNA with terrifies me, what if he’s a serial killer? What if forever is too long and we get bored and we find out that we had no business being together? (I’m a perfectionist so a wrong marriage will be disastrous for me) What If he becomes a child molester after I have his babies? What if he cheats on me and gives me HIV? What if we get divorced and expose our children to our bitter juices in turn making them even more bitter than we are? No I have too many fears, call it paranoia, maybe it will change one day in the very distant future but for now, I’ll have the wedding and the 72 day marriage contract please, hey, well say we had “irreconcilable differences”, no kids, no drama, no affairs, no irritating mother in law to put in her place, just me, the money and my wedding day. Those are just some of the reasons why I don’t want to get married, I’m not saying I won’t, maybe I will fall in love and meet “the one” who knows? I’m just saying that to me, marriage is a bonus, not a must have. It’s like the neon heels, nice to have but not style suicide if you don’t have them. Do you want to get married or are u already married? Share those thoughts and have you, a Monday that looks exactly like you, beautiful.